The Real Reason You're Not Successful Yet

Why do so many of us feel stuck, even when we're trying everything?

In this episode, I'm talking about perfectionism, chasing quick fixes, trusting yourself, and why success isn't about finding the perfect strategy—it's about learning what works for you and sticking with it long enough to grow.

If you've been second-guessing yourself lately, this one's for you. 🎙️✨

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Transcript

0:00

Hi, and welcome to It's Not That Serious, Even When It Is. I am your host, Mary McDonald. I am a coach and use human design as a tool to see my clients deeply and guide them to a more joy-led and embodied life. On this podcast, we will have deep conversations and some giggles because life can't be so serious all the time. Hi, and welcome to this week's podcast. I am going to just dive right in here. I had a post this past week telling you exactly what is making you unsuccessful. And here is the thing. I'm gonna break this down a little bit for you guys, and I'm gonna talk a little bit about, like, why you're not successful, and then I'm gonna talk to you about what it means to be successful and how that might feel in your body, and just some exercises you can really start to maybe embody and think about, and, uh, yeah. So let's just dive in. First off, like, I am speaking from experience. Funny thing about this. I am the girl who has tried everything to be successful. I have tried several different businesses. I have done all this acting stuff, if you listened to that, to the last episode. I- I've taken all the courses. I've had the mentors. I do have a mentor now. And I- I... like, for the longest time, I just felt like, ugh, I am just, like, running up Everest, like, without kind of a plan. Like, I would follow the advice of just anybody who I felt, who I felt just, like, would get me to where I wanted to be. And That didn't work. It did not work. And so I'm pretty passionate about this. When you're not successful, it looks like... And here's the thing, it could be with anything. It can be with, um, your dream job. It can be with like a weight loss or a fitness journey. It can be with you know, whatever your career pursuits are. It can be with, you know, finding a partner. Whatever the thing is. So the internet is really good at giving a bunch of just, like, advice to the generic public. First off, we should start right here. You should know your human design, and I'll probably say this probably one million times on the podcast, but in your human design, you have a very specific way of moving through the world, and one of those things is how you make decisions. And it just kind of like streamlines your process for how you move through the world. So if you don't know your human design, look it up. Look up what your strategy is. I'm not gonna go too deep into that today, but that is like the first thing because when I found my first mentor, she taught human design, so I knew when she was speaking to me, she understood my type, how I move through the world, how I am... how I create more ease in my everyday life, like what that should feel like for me, and that was a better guide than any single piece of advice she could have ever given me. She was never telling me what to do as much as like helping me Get there using my human design, which is something that I do and practice in my own coaching. I'm never gonna give everybody the same advice because, one, everybody's different, but, like, two, your human design is so specific to you that we're gonna go with that and we're gonna use that to help you start trusting yourself again. So yes, a lot of times I find people are looking for success in all of these different things and, like, you'll be scrolling on Instagram, and maybe this sounds like you, and you'll be like, "Oh, man, that person..." I'll just use fitness for example. That person is, like, really, really fit. I'm gonna follow their advice, okay? You click the follow button. You save four of their videos. And then, like, you see someone else and you're like, "No, wait, that sounds really interesting. I'm gonna try this." So then you're like, "Okay, I'm gonna try this. I, I've decided I'm gonna do this one program for this next week for, or the next four weeks, and I'm gonna see how I feel." Okay? So then you have one week where you've gone through whatever program that is. You have maybe a little bit of success, and you, you think like, "Oh, wait, I saw this other person online, and they had this other advice. You know what? I actually feel really uncomfortable. I don't know if I really liked doing this one program this week 'cause it was, like, kinda hard and, like, I don't know. I... There's gotta be a better, quicker fix, an, an easier way." So I'm gonna just, like, go ahead and I'm gonna take the advice of somebody totally, totally different. Well, you decide to do this maybe two or three times over the course of four weeks, and guess what? You don't reach your goal. You don't reach your goal because you've decided, one, not to stick with any of these programs, so, like, that's you, you are the problem at this point. Eh, because it's gonna take time, whatever the thing is. You're gonna need some time to digest all of the things, um, to learn all of your things, like especially Well, I think with personal development, too, like to mentally digest new information and actually apply that to your life. So you're four weeks later and you have just come up with nothing because you decided to switch 45 times. Or maybe, done this before, you, uh, sign up for all these different courses and you think, "You know what? This person's a real expert in this field, so I'm gonna take this course." So you start the course, and you're very excited about the course, and you get halfway through the course, and you're like, "Oh, man, I'm tired and I'm not gonna finish the course," so you don't finish the course. Or you do finish the course. You start implementing everything that this person gave you, and it does not It, it does not work for you because you have followed the advice of somebody who's, like, giving advice to giving the same advice to everybody. So you take this advice, let's just say it's for sales or something, and you use this one s- sales strategy to grow your Instagram or to grow your business, and it's not working One, you probably didn't give it enough time. But two, you trusted somebody else wholeheartedly instead of maybe in the middle of that course, you're thinking like, "Uh, that, that one point, like, doesn't feel right to me, but I guess I'll just go ahead and trust it 'cause, like, they know best. Everybody knows best except for me because I don't know anything about the subject, so, like, forget my intuition. I'm just gonna boo. I'm gonna go over here, I'm just gonna follow the guidelines strict and straight and, you know, just do it." And you do that, and you do it over and over, and you still ne-never get to where you wanna be. Because this whole time, and this is part of the learning process, this whole time that you're, like, learning something new, you're not taking a beat to say, "What works and feels right for me, and what doesn't?" You're also not allowing enough time for trial and error. Everybody wants a quick fix, everybody wants quick success, and, like, sometimes it just doesn't happen like that. Sometimes, yeah, it does, but other times it's not going to work like that because you are not giving yourself enough time to fail. You're not giving yourself enough time to work out the kinks. And I mean this, like, so nicely because I understand how we all want success really fast. We want the business that works. We want the partnership that works. We want, you know, the fitness thing to work, right? But you keep dipping your toes into something different, different strategy every, you know, six months, three months, whatever, and you come back to this beginning where you feel like you've accomplished nothing because you took the advice of so many different people. So I am here to tell you that part of the equation of your success is actually, yeah, sure, take the course. When you walk away from the course or the program, whatever it is, you go, "Great. You know what? I'm gonna give myself time to try it their way," if you wanna do that. Or you're gonna go, "I'm gonna try, you know, this, this one thing, this other thing, and this third thing, and I'm gonna give it some time. And as I give it time, as I move through this strategy, as, as I move through it, I'm gonna start to see, one, what's successful, and two, how I can start getting comfortable doing this in my body." Let's just say you're, like, growing your Instagram account or something, and you're like, "Okay," like, "this person gave me this strategy. I'm going to consistently do this for the next six weeks, and I'm just gonna trust the process." Right? The whole part of trusting someone else's process is to figure out what works for you. So you can go through this whole six weeks and go, "Ew, I didn't like that one thing. Ooh, I'm not gonna do that again." Like, give yourself the space to decide what does and doesn't feel good to you. That is what the whole... That's the whole point. Because at the end of the day, if your strategy is just someone else's and you hate it the whole time, you are going to feel awful during the entire process. Now, are there gonna be times where, like, you have to, like, suck it, excuse me, suck it up and, like, do something? Yeah, there are, for sure, 110%. But a lot of the time, you gotta give yourself some space to decide what actually feels good to you. And this is kind of like a nervous system regulation thing in and of itself, because you're just doing the thing and quietly listening to your inner cues about what feels right, and you're relearning how to listen to your inner dialogue, and you're relearning what feels good to you and what sounds good to you. And also, what can you do on a long-term basis to get to your goal? Because at the end of the day, like, even if you reach your goal, you're gonna wanna maintain something from that process. You're gonna wanna maintain the success that you gained. So if it's something that you just, like, get overnight and you hated doing it, then you're not gonna be able to do that for the next five years. Like, best of luck. That sounds awful. So the whole thing is that you're gonna need to give yourself some space to really digest what feels good to you, what feels right, regardless of, like, what anybody else said. So yeah, you take the course, but then you decide, like, "Okay, I'm gonna follow it their way, and I'm gonna learn a lot, and I'm gonna let myself learn, okay? I'm gonna let myself learn, and I'm gonna trust the process." And the process really is just, like, trusting the fact that you're gonna learn, and that's it. You don't have to, like, put stock in, like, it has to be really successful the first time I try this. And I think you can just set that expectation aside. I think you can set that expectation aside because there's, like, so much pressure in deciding that, like, if th- that you're gonna do something perfectly. You're gonna do it perfectly, and then when you do it perfectly, you'll have the success, you'll feel really good, and it'll be super great. Doing it perfectly is also a poor choice, and I'm gonna get into that in a second. I, the idea of doing it perfectly. But the whole thing is that your success is a journey, and that's all it's meant to be. We are human, here to try and figure out what feels good in our bodies doing the thing. So, actually, I'm gonna make a note on that perfection thing really quick. Um, so my Lilith in astrology is in Virgo. This means that my inner critic is like she a crazy lady up in there, and she likes perfection, and like my whole life I have strived for perfection, and every time I've done that, it has felt really miserable. It's been awful. It's been awful. So let me just like tell you now that your pursuit of pursh- your pursuit of perfection as a parameter for your success is actually your barrier to success. It is actually the thing that's blocking you. I didn't know I was gonna tell you that today. But it is actually the thing that's blocking you, because you're not even allowing yourself enough space to experience life, and you have to step away from like this idea of like, "I must be perfect doing the thing, following the program, getting to my goals-" Because life isn't perfect. Life is messy, and it's hard sometimes, and being perfect or thinking that you have to be perfect to be successful is an energy drain and just a big, fat lie. So the sooner you can break down the fact that you don't need to be perfect on your pursuit to success to whatever you're looking for, the better. The sooner you catch yourself in that loop of trying to be perfect And shutting it down right there and just saying, "Rah, rah for my progress." I'm not saying, also just a side note here, sometimes stuff's gonna be hard and you just gotta like do it. So I'm not saying that like skip a bunch of stuff and don't do it because you're like, "I'm trying not to be perfect." Like, you know, just be honest with yourself, right? Just don't let your perfection... Don't let a perfectionist wound be your barrier to success. Okay. So there are three things that I'm gonna go over when it comes to your success, and the first thing is knowing what you want and why you want it. Okay? So I think that a lot of times we have these goals, and we're like, "I really, really want this thing," and we never actually stop to ask ourself why we want it. And it doesn't have to be some deep answer, okay? You can just be like, "I want it 'cause I want it." But like make sure that there's nothing underneath there that you're wanting this to prove yourself for some reason. You're wanting this, um, because somebody else in your family wants this for you. You're wanting this for anything outside of just like your own self. So just check in on yourself on like what you want and why you want it. And there's this thing in human design, there are a couple of arrows on your chart you can look up on manifesting what you want, so you're either a specific manifestor or a non-specific manifestor. So this relates to like knowing what you want is to be really intentional about that. So if you're a specific manifestor, you're somebody who is going to want to know the details of the thing that you want. So let's just say you want a house, and you're like, "I, I really want a Spanish-style house, and an open concept kitchen, and the cabinets are black, and the island is, you know, huge, and I've got a microwave in the island, and I've got..." You know. It's just you getting down to like specifics. Or you might be like me, and you might be a non-specific manifestor. So non-specific manifestors, we just know what it feels like. So I might say like, "I want a really successful coaching business." I should go back to the house example. I'll do the coaching business, and we'll just say the house example. I want a really successful business. Well, what does that feel like to me? Well, that feels like I have clients who are coming to me, telling me about how good they're feeling, how embodied they're feeling, how, how they are moving through the world so much clearer than they were before. If I'm talking about a house, just to use the same example, I'm talking about how... And I literally said this when we bought our house. I was like, "I want there to be a lot of light, and I wanna be able to feel, like, the sun on my face, and I want, like, a lot of windows, and I want it to feel open." Not once did I think, "And I want the kitchen cabinets to be black." So when you're thinking about this, look up your human design, figure out which kind of manifestor you are, and apply that to what you want so you can have some intention, intention behind it. Knowing that is also, like, very helpful for vision boards if you're, like, a vision board person. So, like, again, specific, you're gonna put down, like, specific things on your vision board. I have one that gives me specific emotions around the things that I want, so, like, sunshine on my face for the house. It's like, you know, if I wanna go on a beach vacation, yeah, I might, like, see the photo of the beach, but I would probably put something in there that would, like, remind me of, like, oh, what's that smell like? What's that feel like? What's the air feel like? Like, that's my non-specific manifestor for you. So really get down to, like, knowing what you want, and I think here, here is something, like, it's something that we don't actually ask ourselves very often because we get caught up in our every day of, like, what our jobs are and what family life is like, and we kind of stop And I've talked about this before, but I think we kinda stop dreaming about the things that we want out of life because we're just like, "Okay, I really I- I'm really like all in my routine doing all my things and I..." You know, like it's impossible to like If I were just to sit around and dream all day, like Mary, I don't even have time for that. Sister, my friend, you have time. You have time and that's just a s- that's- you're just making up an excuse. You have five minutes, I promise you. You have five minutes if you're sitting alone in your car in the parking lot somewhere, you have five minutes. Set a timer on your phone. Set a timer on your phone. Start journaling. If you're not like into meditating, start journaling and just kinda go like, "Ooh, what do I want? Like if I could have anything in the world right now, like what do I want?" And just start doing that every day. Like start doing that every day. Start dreaming every day. Start thinking about those things because life passes you by hour by hour, day by day in the middle of your routine. It doesn't pass you Like the less you think about all of those things, 'cause you're bogged down in your routine, like you're not gonna get to those things. You're gonna just like put them off and put them off and put them off and put them off. But when you're living in this world of like anything's possible and you're remembering to dream and you're remembering to ask yourself like what you want, don't put any restrictions on it. Stop playing adult about it. Be a kid, right? Like let your heart and let your mind expand for five minutes. I promise you, you can do it. Okay. So that is your, that's your number one. Okay? Number two, connect to your future self, and I think I'm gonna upload a bonus episode about this later in the week. Uh, we will see, 'cause I did this practice recently. It was a pretty personal one. Connect with your future self. So ask yourself like- This future version of me that has this thing that I want that is really successful in this one area, like, what do they look like? What does their routine look like? How do they move through the world? What does this version of me have for breakfast? What does this version of me wear? What does this version of me do for a morning routine? What does this version of me do for a night routine? How does this version of me feel when I step into the office? How does this version of me feel when I step into that new re- relationship? How does that version of me feel when I'm competent enough to ask the person out? So who is this fur- future version of yourself? Paint a picture. What do they look like? How, how are they going about their day? How are they feeling in their day? And really start to just feel what that feels like in your body. Like, just let yourself feel like what would that be like? If I was that version of that person, what would that feel like? Now, here's the catch. Some of you are gonna say, "I don't even know what that feels like, Mary, and I'm, I'm freaking out right now 'cause like I sat down to meditate and to journal, and I don't know. I wanna be a millionaire, but like, I don't even know what that would feel like. I don't La, la, la, and you're getting ahead of yourself, and you're acting a little crazy. Okay? That's not the point of this. Just start thinking about this person. Take it small. If you can't take it big, take it small. What am I eating as this future version of myself? What Who are the people I'm hanging around with? Maybe you don't know those people yet. Maybe you have a more people who are more into the same things that you are It, as your future self. I know for me, like I a lot, I know a lot more entrepreneurs than I knew two years ago, and so it's, it's really cool to have those types of people in my space now. Um, so, you know, who are you hanging out with? You can start just from there, right? Like the successful version of your p- of yourself, what are they doing all day? And then you're going to want to kinda ask yourself, okay, well, like not so much like how do I bridge the gap, but start just being... 'Cause you might not know the how, and I kind of think that when we start getting into the how, we get a little bit crazy. I'm not saying don't do, don't do nothing to get there. But I am saying like, you know, if you're gonna pick a path to get there, start on that path and allow it to lead you to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing, all the while going, "I'm allowing the universe to give me surprises on how I get to this space. I'm gonna allow the universe to surprise me, it, along the way," because like I am just a human being with one little fun brain, and I don't always know what's best, and the universe does. Universe, God, is going to bring me ideas, and I'm gonna trust that the ideas are going to flow to me, right? So the more relaxed you get, the more you can trust into that, the more you can pick a path. And like I said Earlier when I was talking about a path to success, choose your path and stick to it for a while. Stick to it knowing that sticking to the path is part of the journey, and some of it you're gonna like, and some of it you're not gonna like, and some of it is gonna feel really good, and it's gonna move the needle, and some of it's not gonna move the needle at all because it's not your jam. But allow yourself to experience all of the things on the way to your future self. And I want you... So this is what the bonus episode is about. I wrote a I wrote a letter from my future self as a mom, and it's a really emotional episode. I was gonna put it out this Tuesday, and I was like, "Oh, it feels like a lot." So maybe this Friday I'll, I'll, um, I'll upload it. Anyway, write this letter to yourself from your future self and just let it free flow of, like, "I'm your future self. Let me tell you what it feels like, and then let me tell you how proud I am for the journey that you are embarking on right now." Right? Like, let your future self that you're, you know, writing as in your journal, let your future self remind you of, like, how proud they are of you for just, like, taking this next step, 'cause that's also really important. And then hang on to that letter and remind yourself, remind yourself to read through that, like, once a week or however frequently you need to to, like, connect back to that futures- future version of yourself. Okay. And then I think the third thing that I wanna touch on is when you're looking for success, are you looking for a quick fix or are you looking to actually have long-term success and long-term growth? So are you... In other words, are you letting your ego getting in the way get... Are you... Excuse me. Are you letting your ego get in the way of- who you're becoming because you think, your ego thinks you need to be faster, you need to be better, you need to be all of these things that you aren't yet. And are you looking to just like get that hit of dopamine for something to move quickly? Because if you are, I'm actually, hmm, I'm actually, I would question the thing that you're wanting success on. I would actually question your goal. Because if you care enough about it, you are willing to take the long train to get there. You are willing to embark on a journey where you know that you're gonna grow, where you know that you're gonna move through space and time and learn something different, where you know that like it's not always gonna be easy, but you're gonna show up anyway. And where you know that like, you know, in three weeks, you're not gonna feel very excited. To be honest with you, like this podcast is a great example of that. I wanted to do a podcast for a while, decided to do this podcast, thought I was gonna be very overwhelmed by recording something every week. Turns out I'm not. However, I, again, because I understand my human design and how my energy works, it's like I have a couple of episodes that I pre-recorded. They just didn't feel like the right thing to post tomorrow. And then I had this idea for tonight's episode, and I just thought, "You know what? All day I didn't feel like recording," but I knew that I would get to it. Like, I trust myself enough that I knew I would get to it, and I did, and here I am, and I'm loving this content so much more than had I like forced myself. But that's because I understand my energy. So Like I said, know your human design, guys. Know it. The whole thing is though, again, if you're gonna want a quick fix, it's not gonna work for you. So like, I, I'm so sorry. I don't know. Like, we have the attention span of a, like, a toddler. And you're gonna have to get over that on this journey, because when you want it enough, you're gonna just allow yourself to enjoy the journey, right? And I say this over and over. It really is about the journey, as much as like me two years a- ago would've been like, "How dare you say that? I The journey feels hard." Doesn't matter. The journey and the universe and God are gonna provide you the right tools along the way. You don't have to know every step of the way the minute you cross, like, the starting line. You just don't, and you won't, and you can't try to be perfect about the thing. So those are the three things I would absolutely start thinking about if you have goals this year. And also, like, I like to ask this question too, like, how do you wanna feel at the end of this year? Do you wanna feel like you are closer to that goal, or are you waiting for the perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect thing to, like, start the thing, and then that just like doesn't happen? And then we hit October, and you're like, "Ugh, well, fourth quarter, you know. Halloween's around the corner, and then we've got Thanksgiving, then, you know, Christmas and all the holidays, then the new year, and like I'll just wait till January." And then you wait till January, and it's like you didn't do anything. So now it's, what, June 8th. Now is the time to just go like, how do I wanna feel at the end of the year? Do I wanna feel like I started something? Do I wanna feel like I know myself better? Do I wanna feel like I know what I want on a deeper level, and do I know what I'm willing to do to get there? So ask yourself that. Where do you wanna be at the end of the year? And then think about these things as you move towards that goal. If you want help with this kind of stuff, this is exactly what I do with my clients. Um, I have coaching links in the show notes, but I help people get closer to their goals, get, um, behind the shadows that are holding you back, and help you embody a life that feels really good and just feels like joy, and helps the process of moving through your own growth not feel so heavy all the time. So I'm just gonna, like, make you move faster, right? Like, if you have somebody who can, you know, have an aerial view of your life, we can see stuff that you can't see. And, um, yeah, that's what I help you guys with. So anyway, that is today's episode. I hope you guys have a really great week, and watch out for that bonus episode, 'cause that'll probably come out on Friday, if I get brave enough to post it, but probably Friday. Thank you for joining me on today's episode. If something resonated with you, then we are probably best friends. And friends rate, review, and share episodes. If you wanna stay connected, you can find me on Instagram at Mary Kate McDonald. That's Mary C-A-T-E McDonald. If you want more information on coaching or wanna keep connected in my weekly newsletter, you can find that in the show notes. Thanks again for joining me on today's episode. I'm looking forward to catching you in the next one. And just a reminder that it's not that serious, even when it is